heard the news. happy for you. extremely extremely disappointed with myself. felt like crying. wanted to let the tears fall. but it would seem stupid to cry in the middle of silent reading. kept it inside me. went home and cried myself to sleep. was really very disappointed with myself. i am to blame for it. cant blame anyone else. they gave me the choice. i was stubborn. i thot i was better at that position. but it didnt help me. i was foolish. idiotic. a selfish idiot. for those that know what i'm referring to... i know i sound rather egoistic. but pls forgive me for once. i cant help it. i had expected it for myself. i suppose i'm not up to standard i guess. what other reason can there be. i fail as a debator. i'm a lousy example of what a debator really is. dont follow me. i'm not good enough to be yr senior in the first place. i tried my hardest but my best will nv enable you guys to reach yr full potential. you guys need a coach. i tried my best but my best will never satisfy your hunger for wanting to learn more. i dont even know if i want to join the upcoming debate competition. maybe i'm not good enough for it. i really dunno... this competition has really pulled me down. so down, i'm trapped inside it.
