i thought of him, standing on stage, talking passionately with emphasis on the SPECIAL words, being cheered on by his team mates, being named best speaker time and again with what seems for eternity...sigh. it puts me down.
not that its another bout of jealousy again, but now its more of...of discouragement. of hearing and SEEING people get that speaker award for almost or i can say EVERY debate that he participates in while i...stand up and give my best, but don't hear of my name ever. its that very thing that has caused me to consider carefully if i should stop debating once i step into jc drop it altogether. for the past competitions that i have been to, countless time i have put in my best, and countless times i have failed. Is it time for me to give up? maybe.
i tell myself. lets take 1 last chance. next year's nationals. will i ever make it to the top 10? will i continue my debating career in JC? will debate follow me on to Uni? i wonder...
will i ever have that chance of doing it internationally... probably not. i'm not your typical debate speaker. not those who are born to speak. but one who has to work hard and put in every effort to get it... the debate with myself continues...
