It starts from my toes, and I wrinkle my nose

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 my left shoulder is aching, im having cramps and i have a headache. rahhh. stupid. having classes during holidays aint nice at all. nope. not nice. 1 and a 1/2 hours of each subject and by the time the teacher is done our half hour break becomes 10 mins of useless time. rah.

my stupid shoulder is really killing me. i'll stop typing.

Monday, May 29, 2006 chinese o's are over. finally. and it was doable so im pretty satisfied with myself. ok thats wrong. i should be saying im thankful and praise God for his grace for helping me. yeah that sound better. without Him i wouldnt have been able to do it. so THANK YOU LORD! =)))

yay outing with clique tmr. stupid celeste cannot go. must go market with mother. ppftt. next time i date you you must accept. and promise. =D

haha went jogging just now after a uber long hibernation. felt so fat. all the calories of ice cream and fatty food going to my stomach without working out. run run run. run fourth round stomach ache. then ester tan must shout loud loud my name la. SAM SEE PLAY MATCH. hurrhurr. i know you all couldnt recognise me ok. take so long to wave. lousy. haha. wah then i neede to fut. cannot so playing match that time whole time bending down like some dodo. but not bad, pain can still shoot haha. my last ball the best. nv go throuhg the hoop. go through the hole in the net then go down. im pro. xD

a dancer for you Lord.

Sunday, May 28, 2006 11 hours till CHINESE O'S. and im not freaking out. am i suppose to? i dont know. you tell me. in fact i went shopping with my family at centrepoint. and now im clueless as to where my yanyu worksheet is so i dont know where to start searching for it under my piles and piles of books and worksheets. gahhh

ITS CHINESE O'S. Lord give me my B3 please.

Saturday, May 27, 2006 i may have to play for worship tomorrow cause gervais may not come back from malaysia in time. grahhh gervais.. you better come back. you promised me the donation!!! haha more like payment for borrowing my electric guitar soo many times and wanting to borrow it again. hahaha. other than that im fine with playing for worship. only that i'll have to borrow gracia's glasses cause i cant see clearly with mine. how shittey is that.

tried conversing with my dad today in chinese. rather funny and my poor mum didnt understand anything only that she knew we were talking about her cause dad kept on saying 'yin ni'. hahaha. she was like. stop talking bad things about me ok. she didnt even know what we were talking about and dared to assume that we were gossiping about her haha. well too bad that she hasnt learnt how to converse. but for me i would rather learn malay. heh. only stupid MOE refused to let me learn in pri sch. HEY its my MT lauguage ya know. haha

shoots. i didnt touch chinese at all today. 2 days to chinese O's...

Friday, May 26, 2006 all right. the term is officially over but the excitment has just begun. heres my whole list of things thats going to happen in June. FYI: June is not a holiday month. its a normal month where school kids go to sch to enjoy their lessons by teachers like miss w.g.l., miss a.f, mrs t.p.h and yadayada

May
29- O level chinese [the best way one can start an opening to a 'new' term]
31-Social studies/Lit

June
1-A math/Chem/Lit
5-checking of Math/English/A math papers
6-A math/Geog/Physics
7-Math/Chem/Physics
8-A math/Chem
9-Chem/Physics
[all 1 1/2 hour duration]
9-Sf camp
10-Sf camp
11-Sf camp
12-Sf camp
13-24-mugging/preping for chinese o oral
25-worship duty
26-Lit exam
27-Pure Geog/Physics
28-Chem
29-Chinese oral
29-PL Music marathon
30-PL Music marathon

July
1-PL Music marathon
2-PL Music marathon

yeah so that my schedule for these few months. its crazy but i'll get through it one day at a time with God's help =). and who says that i cant enjoy myself once in a while? playing basketball, going to sentosa...but i guess it wont be as much compared to the usual term break.

had lunch with Chua,Zoey,Zi qing, Zhi wei at yoshi in the afternoon but zoey and i sneaked in KFC meals! i love cheese fries. all the calories that were supposedly burnt during the hour long full court basketball game all came back. awww. but nevermind. excercise+food=HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. we were talking about the crazy antics that certain people do in our class and wondering which girls in our class would be the first to go into a relationship or have guys falling all over them in tertiary level. its funny to think and scrutinise all the people. and of course the conversations were consistently punctuated with bouts of laughter from the table. what a good way to end the week before the exam.

in the bus home
Chua: so fast and we're going to take our Chinese O's already
Sam: yeah. i've felt as if i've just sat for PSLE.
Chua: yah! yah!
Sam/Chua: SIGH

thinking about it, it really is very fast. i mean it feels as if i've just stepped into secondary sch as a sec 1 and was awed by the sec 4 girls. now being sec 4 seems...nothing. We wonder. are we behaving like sec 4s? Cause we definitely dont feel like one.

DSA forms have been flooding in. or thats what i've heard. Carian is trying for VJC choir but frankly speaking that choir is one hell of a group so its kinda difficult to get in. though im not saying that she cant.

People are asking and asking me if im going to apply for DSA but no i'm not. I'm seriously considering the other route though everybody says its so not me. but...im interested in that areana so yeah. only i'll have to start creating new friendships and bonds. sigh. i doubt that people from our school would go to LaSalle except for Wina but even she is going to temasek poly instead of NAFA or LaSalle. oh well. i still have time to convince her. haha.

im so going to miss debate. im already starting to miss it. sigh. how much i'll give to debate in tertiary level but clearly debate stands in the JC group and i will never ever join a debate team in poly. why cant i have everything. rahhh. i seriously wont mind losing my pride and face a thousand times if i could debate again. Nic is applying to ACJC via debate. my dear debate partner whom i'm always having squabbles with over anything small. If i were to go the jc way i'll definitely apply to AC. ohhhh. how difficult. rah.

Lord you told me yesterday that you'll show me the way-PSALM 32:6. Show it to me real soon please. real real soon.

im in the depths of despair.
i miss debating

Thursday, May 25, 2006 ITS YOUR ATTITUDE NOT APTITUDE THAT DETERMINES YOUR ALTITUDE.

THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY FOR TODAY.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 although i've changed my blogskin yes into the nike dunk skin it has not satisfied my ideal blogskin. oh you know the usual changes once in a while from girly to tough to whatsoever. yeah. its currently my i-cant-find-a-nice-skin-blogskin so i have to bear with it till i find the perfect one that i'll be pleased with.

im still trying to adjust to wearing specs and met with a lot of comments about me walking around school with my specs. i mean after 2 years not wearing them you have to agree that wearing them would seem like a chore. ok thats for me. and i cant play baskeetball properly as well. keep on messing up. whats more my degree hasnt stabalised. in fact its far from it. its around 150-200 now and i guess tomorrow it'll be 300. much to my irritation i dont have a pair of 300 degree specs thus would have to borrow my moms specs if not i'll be half blind tomorrow walking around the school compound like a blind mole. in case any of you out there is wondering why my dgree is having such fluctuations, well its cause i've been wearing oto-k lens short form for an extremely long scientific term where you wear the lens at night, it'll correct your eyesight and you'll be able to see better in the morning without anything on. how cool is that? rather but you have to ger use to the feeling when you're sleeping cause its hard lens.

my parents said they wont be purchasing another pair for me after this one expires. [it lasts for 2 years costs $2000] they say i'll have to wear specs now till im older and make my own decision later on when im older. i actually agreed to sticking with soecs if i could find a decent pair but after wearing it for 2 days i realised how troublesome and how it gets in the way. you cant do this you cant do that. so i've hinted to my mom that i want to get a new pair. hopefully they'll comply. hopefully =)))

so much for my eyes. its sort of my fault that im in this pathetic stage wear i have to moan and groan about wearing specs. but no use complaining and whining abt what i did to get my eyes spoilt.

oh yes yesterday. i went to get my eye checked. then went shopping. heh. yepp. guilty as charge. but i went with my mom k. we shopped. but didnt hit all the shopping centres cause of time. actually shopping on a weekday is so much more fun than weekends at orchard because the much hated crowd isnt there. so you can take you own sweet time hanging ard the shop, trying and choosing the clothes and shoes. *beams* i bought a pair of slippers. you know not flip flops. the nice outing kind. hmm and a black jacket. formal office wear kinda jacket. its nice 36 bucks. my mom bought a pair of cotton pants for $79. well its her money. haha. anyway i can use it if i want to. a brooch for herself and trinkets like that.

oh oh. we ate at this chinese resturant where the waiters we both agree were basically robots cause they did their work perfectly brilliantly well but with no emotion. the kind of welcome to our resturant kind of nice feeling was absent. my mom commented that they looked communist because of their attire and expression and when we walked out we saw various articles abt the resturant and APPARENTLY it originates from china. surprised? nahh. haha

ok.. hmm. only did a mock paper today. both paper 1 and 2 for chinese. yepp that was all we did in school the higher chinese...i think they will be enjoying life as we struggle or should i say persevere on getting our b3 and above for chinese. Dora told me this that the chinese teachers put on the screen on monday: NO. OF DISTINCTIONS 4A1-30% 4A2-8% 4A3-30%. and im in 4A2 by the way. uh huh. for a moment they thought that the teachers calculated wrongly but so far we only know of 1 distinction girl in our class. urghh. how horrible. but on an evil note it actually helps me to calm down cause i know im not that lousy. well not that im saying the rest are. but you get what i mean? yepp.

it seems that i have lots to write about today. yeah. the school has finally given us information about DSA already. Ailing and SokFan are going to apply for it to NJC via guzheng and guitar respectively. Some people have asked me if im going to apply to anywhere with debate. weeelllll. im pretty sure that i dont want to go to junior college. i dont think i would enjoy the enviroment of school for another 2 years. its too restricited. but i'm uncertain about where i'm going though i'm clear what i want to do. there Republic poly or an alternative of LASELLE where i can do arts management for both. as more choices are opened to me, frankly speaking im getting quite confused. heh. anybody care to explain to me? Debate would be something that i would join if i were to go to JC plus a sports cca but its a no no for poly debate looking at their standard. yeah. and i mean the standard of the debate club. i've seen the small little flaws and how the Singapore poly debaters present and talk. its freaking. you wont even know that they are debaters unless they tell you so. haha.

i'm looking forward to Music Marathon! really looking forward. we're starting to sing the songs again after a week of silence cause of exams. well it seems like a NONG NONG ago that we've sung. *sniggers- refer to singapore idol* atrocious pronounciation*

ok its to the blogskin website for me now. after typing a load of thoughts. for those that have managed to last through my entire ramblings-congrats =))- and thanks for looking through. *grins*

Monday, May 22, 2006 i really really wonder how am i going to get that B3 for chinese when my mid year exam paper flashed me a c5 grade. i dont want to think that this is the end of me but it kinda looks that way huh? dont you think so. i mean a C5? and chinese O is just next monday! how how how. it isnt if i havent tried my hardest in writing zuo wen or whatsoever. i dont understand how the HMT girls can get their A1 so easily. garhhh. help me. how? i need that coveted B3.

tidal wave
im caught in a wave
so strong so deep
unable to get out, struggling to break free
i scream but nobody hears
i drown and nobody sees

cause only You see.
You hear my cries
only You save me from the trashing waves
oh Lord hold me close in your embrace

the waves come crashing in
broken hearts and lives shattered
where is the clear blue ocean that we see?
theres only blackness all around me
wheres the rainbow i've been looking for?

only You pick me up
only You give me the light
only You give me the colours im searching for
im in your arms once again and will stay forever more
oh Lord hold me close in your embrace
anybody wants to add the chords or music go ahead. something i crapped out 10 minutes ago. if you ever do send me the notes. thanks.

sigh.

Sunday, May 21, 2006 darn the weather, darn my eyes. i cant go out, didnt go to church and probably wont go to school tomorrow. i hate missing church and school. especially this coming week cause of chinese O level. darn darn darn.

sigh. my left eye is swollen. dont know why. the eye specialist isnt open thus have to go tomorrow. rahhh. i dont want to miss school -surprisingly- and i want to go shopping. long time since i bought stuff. saw this really nice throwover in a magazine. i wanna get it. its ok..$33.

feel like studying yet dont feel like using my brain. ok fine i'll go fiddle on my guitar.

Saturday, May 20, 2006 SCREW FERNG. shit her la. made ah ma tell me that im suppose to present our CIP TRIP ON MONDAY. FREAK. SO LAST MINUTE. AND NEVER EVEN TELL ME PERSONALLY. MADE AH MA SMS ME AT LIKE 9PM TO TELL ME. WHAT THE... DOESNT SHE KNOW THAT I NEED TIME TO PREPARE? SHE THINKS IT SUPER EASY LA? GO UP AND JUST SPOUT RUBBISH. AT LEAST TELL ME LIKE A FEW MORE DAYS BEFORE HAND THEN I WOULDNT BE SO PISSED RIGHT.

Friday, May 19, 2006 FIRST PARTS OF EXAMS ARE OVER!!! and im still in the studying mood. but its good to be in the studying mood so that i can study for humans. *beams* ok i got my CA marks. L1R5 like...garhh. dont want to talk about it. one of the lowest in class. =(((.

went to rj to support the U14 speakers. you all did a good job. certainly improved and thats the main thing. yeah. dont get so upset about it. only sec 2s... have 2 and a half years ahead of you so hold on to it.

went to J8. its a boring place when you dont have money to spend seriously. all the nice stuff but no money so what for? yeah. super short of money this month. parents cut my allowance. gah. cause i dont use money to pay for food in school.

i thought i had lots to type...but when i think...i'm too lazy today. feel super slacky.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 is it impossible? i am beginning to think it is. i really beginning to think so. look at my results and you'll understand why.



='(((((((((



im screwed for e and a math. well even if im screwed i better screw it up nicely so ciao for now. gonna screw e math soon. gah.

Monday, May 15, 2006 havent been on the computer since friday night. so much to post about realy dont know where to start.

Friday
tuition then met up with dectonians for bball session and birthday celebration. rocks. cake was all over the place and faces and bodies. shouts and running with cream on fingers trying to place on each others faces. gah. hahaha. fun fun. indeed. =))) too bad siangying couldnt stay for celebration but she got her cake which ester and xq xin xin qu qu de cut out. haha. presents then wash up at jelly's house. thanks for your shirt jelly! rain rain rain. look out of the window ester, xq, angela they all playing in the rain. tsk tsk. but we ended up with them la. haha. and i walked bare footed home cause didnt want to dirty my shoes. after that went out to study at macs, then head down to grapevine then go home.

Saturday
er cant remember what i did. oh yeah. stayed at home and studied. pft. yupp

Sunday
went for worship practice. rah funny. hui en played the piano so we were like last minute "you intro you start" hehe. after that zoey and moli came to my house to mug a math. rather successful. do until qi ge. haha then slack. and eat chicken rice.

Monday
Chinese paper! yepp. then ate lunch. moli, zoey, si qi and jelly came to study e math. till 6 then play ball for 15 mins. and perspire so much. whoo.

Good job sec 2s! good job and to God be the Glory =). finally finally finally. a win against ACS(I). ahhhh. ok need to go study.



Friday, May 12, 2006 FREAK my post got deleted off for i dont know what frigging reason. i totally have no mood to type out everything over again so it'll be brief. sucks la blog

my results this term are bad, sucky whatever you want to describe it as.
physics 14/45
a math 23/40
chem 21/40 =))) i passed k
social studies 9/11 =/ ok la. its only SS
geography 11/20
geog assignment 10.5/15

yeah. look how bad it is. no matter how hard i study especially for PHYSICS. i studied, practice did everything possible to pass physics yet what did i get? a F9. sometimes i really feel like giving up and at that point when i got the stupid paper i wanted to tear it up but the furthest i went to destroying the paper was crushing it and crying. its still readable. but dont ask me for it.

and this is only the beginning. sucks. sigh.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Lord i need a miracle for my sciences. HELPPP.

Thursday, May 11, 2006 Girl: I'm always here for you. your bestest friend
Boy: I know
Girl:What's wrong?
Boy: I like this particular girl so much
Girl: Talk to her
Boy: I don't know. She won't ever like me
Girl:Don't say that. You're amazing.
Boy: I just want her to know how I feel.
Girl: Then tell her.
Boy: She won't like me
Girl: How do you know that?
Boy: I can just tell
Girl: Well just tell her.
Boy:What should I say
Girl: Tell her how much you like her
Boy: I tell her that daily
Girl: what do you mean?
Boy: I'm always with her. I love her.
Girl: I know how you feel. I have the sameproblem.But he'll never like me
Boy: Wait. Who do you like?
Girl: Oh some boy
Boy: Oh... she won't like me either.
Girl: She does
Boy: How do you know..
Girl: Because, who wouldn't like you?
Boy: You
Girl: You're wrong, I love you.
Boy: I love you too.
Girl: So are you going to talk to her?
Boy: I just did...

awww so sweet. got it from friendster with the usual "post this within blah minutes and your crush will ask you out." how stupid.

yes i know its nice to live in your dreams but this is pure disillusionment. i mean we can read all this conversations like i like my good guy friend but i think he doesnt like me yadayada but in reality that totally wouldnt happen. sorry to break all dreamers' hearts out there but its the truth. unless any of you can tell me that you've experienced this kind of aww so sweet kind of love before. then message me or something. but i doubt i'll be getting any smses or e mail cause it purely is rubbish.

hmmm if only we could live in that kind of fairytale world huh? where your prince charming comes riding up in his white horse to sweep you off your feet and carry you off to your future home -the palace- where both of you will live happily ever after without the nagging of your mother or mother-in-law.

i'm not saying that its wrong to dream, but personally for me, i feel that if you dream, you'll only be more disappointed in with reality and your life. so why not just let nature have its course and stop cheating yourself? i wonder. yes its nice to go off into lala land like chua does and think "im a princess". ok chua im not scoffing at you but using as an example though you're not that extreme but some people...heh. i dont know la. i admit i sometimes wish that i was a princess in disneyland. sigh. haha.

ok no more talking bout the world we wish be in and treated like royalties where you crush loves you -truly madly deeply- lol.

im excited about the music marathon. Our oldies group is so totally going to enjoy ourselves playing the piano, guitar and singing our lemon tree dream a little dream and 10 more songs. yay. everyday we keep on singing the songs. so much that ive almost commited lemon tree lyrics to heart. except for the third verse.

and you. doing that thing you do
breaking my heart into a million pieces.
sighh.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006 i wonder how i wonder why, yesterday you told me about the blue blue sky and all that i can see is just another lemon tree. im turning my head up and down but all that i can see is just another lemon tree. dadadadeedadum. isolation is not good for me. isolation i dont want to sit on the lemon tree.

stupid cupid stop picking on me.

*grins* the oldies fever is getting to some of us in the class. blame it on the 90 hour record breaking discussions. haha. but i love it! oh honey, ah sugar sugar you are my candy girl, and you got me wanting you.

ok im high. but so is everyone else. thus i;ve only managed to study/ revise 1 chapter of social studies.

played a lot of basketball today. super stinky and wet. ewww. but balling is nice so who cares? except ang zi qing which suffered cause zoey went to go and hug her and i threw my shirt to her. yes evil but evil in a nice way. *smiles*

oh and i lost 2 kg. *beams* took height and weight during PE. yeah. i grew but seems as if i never grow. 1.5cm. ok. i'll be thankful. its still 1.5cm taller. i wanna reach 1.68 *pouts*

Monday, May 08, 2006 today passed quite quickly. chemistry prac lesson was rubbish. some people's timings of the magnesium ribbon was weird. but smart people they changed it. including me. heh.

oh lit today was pretty upsetting. mrs xxx blew up and said some things about our class. i was upset. we let her down. =( but what do you expcet from a sub lit class. we're sub lit for a reason and thats because we loath lit. though on my part i just dont like it. oh wells. we wont see her till 2 weeks from now so she would have had enough time to cool off. and for us to buck up on our attitude in class.

played bball AGAIN. yes i know we're not suppose to but we couldnt resist temptation. heh. after that went with moli and moli mei to heartland. i spent money. =((( other than lunch. but i like the shirt. heh. so its worth it.

came home slept ate dinner on computer slack did chinese paper now blogging. i have no mood to study. helpp. ok i'll study social studies. ughhh. gross.


if you get there before i do, dont give up on me...love, me. written by grandma to grandpa in love,me

you took my heart away. can i have it back? but you've become more than a friend...maybe i'm 25 mins too late...


Sunday, May 07, 2006 trying to start another post but busy chatting as well...

ok just when i thought i could enjoy my weekend its almost over. friday evening met up with some of my classmates to watch the Worker Party rally. really interesting. yes i know im not allowed blog about it. but just a tini little bit. It was definitely an eye opener for us. People from every background was there until they were spilling out of the stadium. the people were passionate, the representatives were passionate... get the idea? then we SQUEEZED our way out of the stadium only to realise that 2 of our friends were lost. haha and there was no reception so i had a lot of missed calls messages popping up on my screen later on. went to PAP's rally. compared to that of Worker's party, the atmosphere was very... how do i put it... calm. yeah. and compose. but what do you expect from a Party that contains lawyers, doctors and so on and so forth. though i'll like to say a lot more, i'll just hold my horses and practice self control.

you'll have to listen to me blabbing about other stuff now.

ok zoey got me all excited for this friday. Decton is meeting up as a WHOLE team for bball. finally. hope that there will be no rifts and petty quarrels. just want to enjoy playing ball together.

thank God this week theres no tests. have to start practicing add math. oh well. Lord pls give me the discipline and wisdom to go through this period.

after one month, i wake up in the morning, on my phone and received a sms. thinking it was any person i opened and... ok once i say your name i just started rolling my eyes. basically i dont understand you.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 man there was suppose to be band practice but marcus had a fever so that left ivana and i since matthias was coming later so we decided to cancel prac thus called the worship leader i.e. uncle christopher and thought everything was settled. well apparently it wasnt that easy. The backup singers and chai heng went to church. poor them cause we completely forgot that backup singers existed. and i didnt know that chai heng was coming so you cant blame me for not informing him. anyway mark practically freaked out, called me to moan over the fact that the people were in church but what could i do other than feeling sorry and guilty for suggesting the cancellation of practice right? i mean i cant undo what has been done. anyway uncle chris is like not replying to ivana's sms. gah. we soo need to confirm the practice date by tomorrow so that mark SIR can tell ruth. haha. its a huge MESS right now. and yes we have to apologise to chai heng and the backup singers on sunday. not that im dreading or what.

and yes today's physics test was the worst of the whole lot. i was on the verge of crying after handing in the paper-yes i did tear but no one noticed cause it was done in the privacy of my corner of the class where im sitting-i practically left every question blank or half done with rubbish formulas inserted for the sake of having something on the paper. i had no idea what was going on throughout the whole test. I only knew that my blood pressure was rising rapidly and my brain was a mash of wadnots. quickly scanning through each question, i slowly started to freak out, trembling at the sight of calculation and long winded explanations. No amount of practising ten years series or writing my own notes could help me through it. I still have yet to comprehend why i cant do it when its a test or worse still exam but able to when im practicing or revising. i seriously feel like dropping this bloody subject.

thinking that the day couldnt get any worse, ms wong just had to walk into class with our a math test papers. drum roll. i passed. but come on. i pay my tuition teacher 500 bucks for helping me in math and i got a 23/40 score. yes i know no amount of teaching can help me. i have to practice blah blah. well i guess i have to practice more on my differentiation then. ok i take that back. I GUESS I HAVE TO PRACTICE MORE ON ADD MATH then. there.

looking at what is currently happening to my subjects right now, the hope of even getting a nice and i only say nice, not lovely L1R5 is out of reach. and ms gan just had to rub in by telling us. IT ONLY THE BEGINNING. yes i know. but do you have to say it out loud? gah. considering all this, reaching the day of O's will be the day that im celebrating. seriously. it means one more day to freedom, one more step closer to poly. thats if i can enter the course that i want looking at my atrocious grades.

the rest of the day was sucky cause i really was in no mood to study, brooding and groaning over how badly i was going to fail my physics. there was extra english lesson that i couldnt be bothered to go for, i.e i skipped class, but as if ms loh cared. anyway lazed around in class till vanessa reported that her dear sis was playing bball. so i trooped down to the courts, played for 2 hours then went home. saw coach she forgot my name. how sad and dumb. everyone loves my name. oh wells. shes an exception then.

clara came running to me in the midst of me relishing the feel of shooting a ball into the hoop, asking me "is there training today" in such an innocent manner that i couldnt bear to tell her off. but seriously, i HAVE stepped down already. you all cant rely on me to tell you when or when not to train. its everyone;s responsibility to find out. i guess i've not been a good captain then, just informing them when theres training or what so ever. they've havent learnt how to get the info for themselves nor how to properly train the younger ones. all the know is to criticise, beratting them with POIS but not stopping to explain to them what they really meant nor where they were good or which area they can improve on. If to them training the sec 1s is all about airing how good you are or with the attitude of "LISTEN TO ME DEBATE, IM BETTER THAN YOU SO YOU BETTER LISTEN AND OPEN YOUR EARS. I WANT YOU TO IMPROVE OVER NIGHT" the poor sec 1s will soon be petrified and not want to come down for training anymore. All of them are still so immersed in themselves. sigh. when will they realise that debate is more than that.

i spent a year or more pushing for a permeanent coach for the team, complaining that the school didnt support us debaters and we are expected to pay for everything. i got ticked off for not being grateful, pushed down and was never helped up by any of my seniors. i stood alone until i managed to convince nicole to get back into debate cause i desperately needed somebody that i though was strong enough to hold up the team with me. calls and co-ercing, night after night till she relented. we tried hard, we worked hard. Mayor's cup without any help we got third placing. end of the year, meth cup was the beginning of the downfall of my year. i still cannot understand why, we have not been doing well. Jon pflug came for a two night training, that was the end of having a coach. or what i thought. beginning of the year, it was a mess with the change of teacher in charge and getting information about the JG's. but finally news of us getting a coach came through. i was elated, happy. sigh.

i have done what i can to improve and better the debate team. frankly i can say that the seniors before me never cared about the welfare of the team, only themselves and where they were going in the future. I have to leave it to the others now to see if they want to continue to hold on to what i have given them, or throw it away with their lousy attitude or to improve the team. it really up to them now.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 MAN tomorrow's band practice is... drummer isnt coming, bass player is coming late and jacob isnt coming also. wails* we have to set up the stupid stuff ourselves and i can never set up the guitar and bass right. gah. why does everything seem to be in a mess now.

and stupid indian people opposite my block are doing some singing with a recorder which seems more like monotonous gibberish. sooo loud. only two old women singing and one boy playing the STUPID recorder. yes im spying on them using my mom's binoculars.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 MAGNETIC FIELD AND ELECTRIC CALCULATIONS WHY MUST YOU BE THE NEXT TO TORTURE ME. GAH. SOMEBODY SAVE ME FROM FROM MY NIGHTMARE. AILING JUST HAD TO RUB IN THAT I STILL HAVE 4 CHAPTERS TO STUDY. BLEH.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006 SCREAMS JUMP JUMP JUMP. IM UPSET AND PISSED. WHAT HAPPENING TO OUR TEAM? WE CANT EVEN SETTLE NICELY A VENUE TO MEET UP WHAT FOR CALL OURSELVES A TEAM. MY FOOT. SCREAMS. I GUESS IT WAS ALL A BLOODY ILLUSION TO ME.

IM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND YOU. DONT MAKE THINGS DIFFICULT FOR US CAN. WE CARE FOR YOU YET YOUR STILL SO UPTIGHT.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006 EXOTHERMIC AND ENDOTHERMIC YOU MAKE ME WANNA STRANGLE YOU !!!