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It starts from my toes, and I wrinkle my nose

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Thursday, May 04, 2006

man there was suppose to be band practice but marcus had a fever so that left ivana and i since matthias was coming later so we decided to cancel prac thus called the worship leader i.e. uncle christopher and thought everything was settled. well apparently it wasnt that easy. The backup singers and chai heng went to church. poor them cause we completely forgot that backup singers existed. and i didnt know that chai heng was coming so you cant blame me for not informing him. anyway mark practically freaked out, called me to moan over the fact that the people were in church but what could i do other than feeling sorry and guilty for suggesting the cancellation of practice right? i mean i cant undo what has been done. anyway uncle chris is like not replying to ivana's sms. gah. we soo need to confirm the practice date by tomorrow so that mark SIR can tell ruth. haha. its a huge MESS right now. and yes we have to apologise to chai heng and the backup singers on sunday. not that im dreading or what.

and yes today's physics test was the worst of the whole lot. i was on the verge of crying after handing in the paper-yes i did tear but no one noticed cause it was done in the privacy of my corner of the class where im sitting-i practically left every question blank or half done with rubbish formulas inserted for the sake of having something on the paper. i had no idea what was going on throughout the whole test. I only knew that my blood pressure was rising rapidly and my brain was a mash of wadnots. quickly scanning through each question, i slowly started to freak out, trembling at the sight of calculation and long winded explanations. No amount of practising ten years series or writing my own notes could help me through it. I still have yet to comprehend why i cant do it when its a test or worse still exam but able to when im practicing or revising. i seriously feel like dropping this bloody subject.

thinking that the day couldnt get any worse, ms wong just had to walk into class with our a math test papers. drum roll. i passed. but come on. i pay my tuition teacher 500 bucks for helping me in math and i got a 23/40 score. yes i know no amount of teaching can help me. i have to practice blah blah. well i guess i have to practice more on my differentiation then. ok i take that back. I GUESS I HAVE TO PRACTICE MORE ON ADD MATH then. there.

looking at what is currently happening to my subjects right now, the hope of even getting a nice and i only say nice, not lovely L1R5 is out of reach. and ms gan just had to rub in by telling us. IT ONLY THE BEGINNING. yes i know. but do you have to say it out loud? gah. considering all this, reaching the day of O's will be the day that im celebrating. seriously. it means one more day to freedom, one more step closer to poly. thats if i can enter the course that i want looking at my atrocious grades.

the rest of the day was sucky cause i really was in no mood to study, brooding and groaning over how badly i was going to fail my physics. there was extra english lesson that i couldnt be bothered to go for, i.e i skipped class, but as if ms loh cared. anyway lazed around in class till vanessa reported that her dear sis was playing bball. so i trooped down to the courts, played for 2 hours then went home. saw coach she forgot my name. how sad and dumb. everyone loves my name. oh wells. shes an exception then.

clara came running to me in the midst of me relishing the feel of shooting a ball into the hoop, asking me "is there training today" in such an innocent manner that i couldnt bear to tell her off. but seriously, i HAVE stepped down already. you all cant rely on me to tell you when or when not to train. its everyone;s responsibility to find out. i guess i've not been a good captain then, just informing them when theres training or what so ever. they've havent learnt how to get the info for themselves nor how to properly train the younger ones. all the know is to criticise, beratting them with POIS but not stopping to explain to them what they really meant nor where they were good or which area they can improve on. If to them training the sec 1s is all about airing how good you are or with the attitude of "LISTEN TO ME DEBATE, IM BETTER THAN YOU SO YOU BETTER LISTEN AND OPEN YOUR EARS. I WANT YOU TO IMPROVE OVER NIGHT" the poor sec 1s will soon be petrified and not want to come down for training anymore. All of them are still so immersed in themselves. sigh. when will they realise that debate is more than that.

i spent a year or more pushing for a permeanent coach for the team, complaining that the school didnt support us debaters and we are expected to pay for everything. i got ticked off for not being grateful, pushed down and was never helped up by any of my seniors. i stood alone until i managed to convince nicole to get back into debate cause i desperately needed somebody that i though was strong enough to hold up the team with me. calls and co-ercing, night after night till she relented. we tried hard, we worked hard. Mayor's cup without any help we got third placing. end of the year, meth cup was the beginning of the downfall of my year. i still cannot understand why, we have not been doing well. Jon pflug came for a two night training, that was the end of having a coach. or what i thought. beginning of the year, it was a mess with the change of teacher in charge and getting information about the JG's. but finally news of us getting a coach came through. i was elated, happy. sigh.

i have done what i can to improve and better the debate team. frankly i can say that the seniors before me never cared about the welfare of the team, only themselves and where they were going in the future. I have to leave it to the others now to see if they want to continue to hold on to what i have given them, or throw it away with their lousy attitude or to improve the team. it really up to them now.