It starts from my toes, and I wrinkle my nose

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 10th Grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me.
She was my so-called "best friend".
I stared at her long, silky hair.
I wished she were mine, but she didn't notice me like that.
And I knew it.
After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before, and I handed them to her.
She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her.
I wanted her to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love her,but I'mjust too shy.
And I don't know why.

11th Grade
The phone rang.
It was her on the other end.
She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did.
As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes,wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, a Drew Barrymore movie,and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.
She looked at me, said "thanks," and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her.
I wanted her to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love her,but I'mjust too shy.
And I don't know why.

12th Grade
The day before prom she walked to my locker.
"My date is sick," she said. He's not going to go.
Well, I didn't have a date and in 7th grade we made a promise that if neither of us had dates we would go together just as "best friends," so we did.
Prom night after everything was over I was standingat her front door step.
I stared at her.
She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes.
I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it.
Then she said, "I had the best time,thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her.
I wanted her to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love her,but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

Graduation Day
A day passed. A week passed. A month passed.
Before I could blink, it was graduation day.
I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up onstage to get her diploma.
I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and she cried as I hugged her.
Then, she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "You're my best friend, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her.
I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love her, but I'm just too shy.
And I don't know why…

A Few Years Later
Now, I sit in the pews of the church.
She is gettin married,now.
I watched her say, "I do"and drive off to her new life, married to another man. Iwanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it.
But before she drove away, she came to me and said, "You came!"
She said, "thanks!" and kissed me on the cheek.
I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love her,but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

Funeral
yrs passed, and I looked down at the coffin of the girl who used to be my best friend."
At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high schoolyears. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he were mine.
But he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it.
I want to tell him. I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love him,but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
I wish he would tell me he loved me…i wish I did too…
i thought to myself, and I cried.