It starts from my toes, and I wrinkle my nose

Thursday, May 31, 2007 Little Miss SamShine is missing all her friends. Was just talking to matt and marcu and they too said that each of them were missing the rest of us. Well thats a comforting thought. I thought that only gracia and I were feeling that way. Talking to matt we found ourselves and everyone else growing up and maturing all so suddenly. As if in a race, eveyone's dashed off and we're left in the dust. But I suppose that cant be helped. People do grow up. Its just a matter of when. Well what we do know is that WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN OUTING AND PARTY SOON. We HAVE TO. Partying next week and outing...hopefully after retreat? =D EAST COAST!

I've finally completed my business computing skills project. After hours of staring at microsoft excel and having no clue as to what to do, being so exasperated by the stupid formulas and cells, IM DONE!!!! Now only to worry about Int HT FILA chart which is in the hands of someone very dangerous. ONG LAI. ahhhhh.

Swimming tomorrow with JM. Hopefully he doesnt lose his cool yellow float AGAIN. =D.

im a happy samshine now. yay no more excel.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007 My life's exciting. Sometimes too exciting. =D But I suppose that adds the colour to my life.

It's now raining and I was suppose to go running. oh pfft. i feel like a lump of meat thats turning into fats. AHHHH. raining means i cant swim as well.

i'm not crazy, im just a little unwell, i know right now you cant tell.

its really encouraging to have friends who share the same perspective as you on life, relationships and our almighty Lord. Take for example Bre. Surprise I was to find myself staring at the wide screen in the national stadium which had her face on it during Global Day of Prayer. Her dad and her were doing the reconciliation prayer, asking for forgiveness and repentence. Someone I can relate to, and know how she feels when we all get exasperated at our parents at times.Mom asked why wasnt it her elder sis nor her younger sis that did the reconciliation. I dont know why but what i can say maybe our generation's a special one. hahaha. grins. that would be exciting. and im thankful for Desmond as well, in TP, always sharing our views on various topics and supporting each other in encouragement and reminders.

Public holiday tomorrow. Finally a day where i can just study and ignore my projects. I hope...

Gracia Gracia Gracia Gracia Gracia Gracia Gracia i miss you. Come mug with meeeeee. I miss matt, mark,marcu and everyone else. Boo. Mark went on a lit trip to frace and UK with his sch when he's NOT a lit student. Best.

ZHUO SI KAI IS A BAD DOG.

Monday, May 28, 2007 walking home from school today at coco, we saw a boy crumple to the ground at the side of the road and a car stopping. inside of me rose this horrified, worried and lost feeling as to what i or all of us should be doing as we stood around him whilst this malay boy layed there on the curb. He was pulling the grass out due to the immense confusion and pain he must have been going through, unable to move and could only stare helplessly at the people around him. the words 'i cant move my leg! i cant move my leg!' still rings in my head.

His street soccer court friends come running towards the accident scence, his white sock a bloody mess and his ankle in a twisted position. The driver of the car starts making phone calls to the police, ambulance and parents of the child.A taxi driver gets his info, other adults just stood and watched from afar. I couldnt just stand there doing nothing and watch those scared eyes flicker to and fro, so squatting down i let him take my hand, squeezing mine, while uttering a prayer of comfort and peace to stay with this boy till his parents come.

The ambulance came, they took out his sock and i had to turn from the sight. His ankle was broken. Something like halved so that you could see his bones and tissue. The maid came down, the taxi driver smooths back his hair from his forehead and tells him to relax and not look up, the paramedics carries him onto the stretcher, the maid hops into the front seat and away it goes. His parents, both working rushed down to kk hospital.

And then the traffic police comes on his trusty motorcycle. The driver gives her card, a boy of abt 13 years old gives the witness statement and Des and I walk away slowly. From what his soccer buddies have said, he loves playing soccer, is in the school's soccer team and even aunty siva(our security guard) says "always playing soccer. never stop" He wont be able to play for a very long time.

i dont know how im feeling about it. Minor as it may seem but yet a young boy's life was ALMOST lost, and now his ankle is badly badly torned apart. I suppose its that feeling of how to save a life and you're still so lost, unable to lend a helping hand and all you can do is cry out to God in your heart. The accident has made me somber for the rest of the evening.

throughout the whole ordeal, that brave boy didnt shed a tear.

Friday, May 25, 2007 wheeeee. its the weekends! and weekends means no lessons! weekends also means i get to meet my friends on sunday! weekends also means i have training tomorrow! =D.

run paddle run. ahhhh. run sam run!

ook, im kinda tired. eyes closed...

i kissed dating goodbye. MUACKS.

and no sarah. im not crazy. no kiang ang, im not your crazy farmer.
im sane and enjoying life to its fullest.

Thursday, May 24, 2007 yesterday's swimming was crampy. everyone was getting cramps while swimming laps halfway. i myself had front calf cramps and toe cramps. like who in the world gets these kind of cramps?! toe cramps. to top it off someone elses toes' were laughing at my cramping toes. -.-

after training desmond and i rushed off to the airport to send sam off. Its gonna be a year, but im sure tht year will pass relatively quickly. oh wells. seems like everyone is flying off to somewhere, sometime.

right. cant type much. ive communication skills essay to prepare for. But seriously, they want us to include in a biblography for our essay which will be conducted in class. a BIBLOGRAPHY?! its a total waste of time. yet, im just a student. what use does my wailing provide?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 im finally home. now ive got to study for Int HT test. =) wish me all the best!

swimming tomorrow! remember to eat your fish!

its funny how ive just met you yet we get along pretty well. oh wells, not as if you're gonna stay anyway. =)

Monday, May 21, 2007 what do you do when you're surrounded by a group of idotic boys?(and when you're sunburnt)

1)you lower your head
2)squeeze your eyes shut
3)and give short screams when a smack lands squarely on your extremely sunburnt arms.

so thats what i did after OB lecture. all i could do was stand helplessly in the lecture theatre while they took pleasure in hitting my poor arms. *sticks out bottom lip* they bullied me. boohoo.

ohhh yay ive just been informed that theres training tmr.
running.
boy am i estatic.
so tht'll be...tues,wed,thurs,sat. wheeeeee. not.


stupid boys. they suck. especially the cow and dog.

Sunday, May 20, 2007 Have i told you how much i love to go to the airport and watch the planes fly? Though the viewing gallery isnt what i'd call the best, yet its therapeutic. Like how when i was there on friday just spending time alone by myself and with God, looking up every now and then to see a plane land or take off, watching little kids toddle here and there, enjoying the quietness. and how on saturday whilst i was kayaking at changi beach and every 10 minutes there'll be a plane in the sky. First a Singapore Airline, next a Qantas and following that a Fed Ex plane. Shouting "BYE!" to each plane helped in releasing my frustrations. I dont know why but i've never liked the thought of flying off to a country and having to return back again to Singapore and how i wish reallll hard that im on one of those planes flying off to Neverland. It'll get me upset and disappointed, as if reality has caught up with me again and i cant run away from the system and bondage that a Singaporean has to their country. I'll be thinking, 'oh no. here im back again. spot 1. and here i have to start over again'.

I dont know. Maybe its just me. Maybe its cause right now i'm still struggling to fnd a place in my class. Still looking for a friend whom i can call FRIEND. Not just anyone but yea, someone like Dora or Gracia.

I'm loving canoe and the team. I'd exchange any projects for an additional training. Dang Sam, you've gotta learn how to multi task with both school and canoe. Trainings on wed, thurs and sat. Tuesdays are out for me since i end at 6.

Right. Now i have 3 dating books, 3 prayer books, 5 projects waiting for me to either be read or be completed. and Crap, i just realise that i have not printed out my lecture notes and tutorial notes for the week. rahhhh. Somebody help. Everything's getting me frustrated so easily these few days. and to top it off gracia just asked me to go shopping with hui shi and her next sunday.

AS IF i can. Rehearsals as per usual and more projects to complete. i! concert is starting to give me a lot of unnecessary problems. First it was suppose to be in April. Then it was postponed to end June. Not much of a problem there. But now having it on the 11 of August, with no 2nd i/c, no PA crew, no family meetings to find out whats going on for the other comms, a set up time of 45mins, band members and vocalists going overseas during the hols, arrangers not being able to make it on sundays and no time for myself to sit down and write the much needed testimonial for the song that i wrote its getting a little too distractive for me from my school. Further more, now its kind of eating into my study time as well. Not that I dont want to plan this whole thingbut really, its not only affecting me but the rest as well. Oh well, Lord remind me again that it's you whos doing the work and i'm only your vessel.

and p.s. Lord, can you send me an airplane?

Thursday, May 17, 2007 monday-4.3










Dont get mistaken. I am happy with my A's but after that when i go A! A! A! A! A! then it becomes oh...C...Get what i mean?! and its a Oh...C...SIX... Disgusting right. rahh.

But theres something for me to smile about as well.

Had swimming training with the canoe team last night and coach was focusing on perfecting free style so he had us do kicks and arms individually then slowly incoperate both together with more focus on the upper body which is the arms hence the need for swiming as it'll strengthen our upper body muscles for paddling. So anyway warm up was awkward. haha. we did it in our swimming attire. yeaks.

so after a few laps, coach suddenly pointed at me 'whats your name?'

err 'samantha'.

'Come.'

'uhhhh crap, is my swimming that bad?' thats what i was asking myself.

'you're one of the better swimmers other than lifting your head too high when you breathe'

whoosh. my esteem went up. but it did come with teasing and 'eh tmr you teach us how to swim lei!' phrases. Especially desmond tan. 'Pro ah pro. talent somebody' and he wanted me to type: I'm a born talent swimmer hahaha. Nah. I think the reason for me being able to swim so fast was because I ate DOUBLE fillet-o-FISH for lunch. So team, if you wanna swim eat fish! and take cod-liver oil! ewwww. i dont take it. Fish is enough. :D

Encouragement that will last me through the week. heh.

CCN DAY TOMORROW. Open to public. Friends come down to TP alright? my class is selling yummylicious apple crumble. Freshly home made. Tried it today and boy was it...mmm yumm yumm.

On a side note, I wrote this in my OB(organisational Behaviour)-where they wanted us to answer qns on how we perceive ourselves and how we perceive other friends-wheres my favourite hang out place? The guys put down for me:Orchard. Wrong! its the Monkeybars!!! Go figure. They did and almost died of lame-ness.

Coach(in chinese): samantha, go there. stay there. samantha blah blah.

Me(in chinese as well): Uh can call me sam.

Coach: Then Sam sounds like a boy

Me:i dont like samantha. too long

Coach: Then you go become a boy.

Monday, May 14, 2007 Yawn.
Projects are starting to make its home in my life. Now it's just bringing it's luggage and bags. Wait till it starts sleeping and doing it's business. Projects behave yourself.

See now i forgot what i'd wanted to blog about. Oh forget it then.

Oh i remember now. yea.

Joined the YA service yesterday cause I had nothing better to do till 1 plus 2. I made the right choice. haha. Didnt know why i bothered to attend it but i guess it was this strong feeling i had inside though i was comtemplating going home to settle my lecture notes and stuff before rehearsal began. The other thing was tht I happened to have brought my notes from the ellel conference to church so i had a good place to write down notes during the session.

So homosexuality. The speaker approached it in a straightforward manner, clearing up misconceptions and misunderstandings about how most people perceive homos to be.I was glad that he brought up spiritual cleansing as well, deliverance, counseling and so forth stuff that the church doesnt really hear about. But indeed roots of the problem and the most important thing that should be dug out. whatever bitter root judgement, generational curses or prouncements made, its so important that all be cut off and repented from.

Ok apart from that during the sharing he spoke about how little children were made to sit in classes that taught about homosexuality and how it was normal and ok. Really my heart cried out for these innocent children, having their heads filled with sinful teachings and darkened by the way of the world.

Lev 20:13- If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. they must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

Thank God for the grace he has given us in these times no matter how ungodly the world is now. Yet it worries me so that more and more people are falling into this deep trap of homosexuality and are struggling to get out.

Like how ive told one, theres only that much I can do to warn them, the rest is up to themselves if they want to change and ask for help. I'll always be there to help them out.

Sunday's talk was really really befitting.

4.3km-monday

Sunday, May 13, 2007 To my friends out there, dont worry, its a phase that we'll all pass sooner or later. I think some of you know what i mean. Right Gracia and Terence? Smiles. Sometimes I wish that i could skip these years and just hop to when im 21. All this stuff makes me wanna go rahh.

The day my dear friends experience stuff is the day i know that they're growing up. Right now some of them are growing, some still are what they were 4 years ago.

Half more year till a whole group is gone. Half more year till we're the oldest. Weirddd. There wont be anymore people sitting in the front row, neither will there be lots of time spent eating chicken wings. haha. maybe sometimes but still. oh wells. im becoming so emo these few days. and right now its thanks to gracia. thanks ah girl. X)

ok correct that, not emo, just reflecting a little too much on whats happening ad what used to be happening.

4.3 tmr. 4.3 on tues. swimming wed. 4.3 thurs.
i can do it.

Friday, May 11, 2007 So it's canoeing. I suppose the Lord made the decision for me since it was pretty obvious.Don't get me wrong here. I do like canoeing, but I cant help feeling a little disappointment. or maybe it's just my pride that hurts. Boy i've really got to get use to being rejected. it's happened so many times yet each time i'd still feel the same way. But as they say, the Lord's way of teaching may be a itty bitty painful for us humans.

It's funny how I loath being alone yet right now...i just want to withdraw and not talk to anyone I know.
It's ironic how people can so easily tell me their problems and I understand them yet on my side I never did know how to tell others about my feelings.


I just want to walk the streets by myself today yea ester?

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 I dont know why, but i've been experiencing bouts of moodiness or to put it in terms of singlish sian-ness. Sometimes I find it so easy to forget about my true purpose in this life and instead live it the way anyone normal girl would, schooling, friends and just walking through life in a daze.

All seems well when I'm with people I'm able to relate to, i.e.Christians. I'm excited about sharing what I've learnt and am almost always up for discussions. The few that ive had with Des whilst on the way to sch or home has really got me thinking about how much the Lod really loves us and those even in our classes. But yet sometimes when im together with them, it seems so easy, to talk to them and findtheir views about christianity yet so difficult to start.

I could put up an excuse and say "oh maybe its cause we've just got to know each other. We're only into our 3rd week. No rush. I have a year." Roar but I shouldnt be making up excuses. Every day is a dy closer to the coming of Christ. Everyday that I do not spend reaching out is a day lost.

Oh Lord help me. Give me the boldness of Joshua and the leadership of Moses to share and lead people to the knowledge of You.

In other ways, I'll be glad when I've settled down in a cca and wont run the risk of being kicked out by a sadistic coach who makes you run 8.6km on your first training session. Fingers crossed and with lots of prayer, I hope that i'll make it through the basketball selections.

___________________________________________________________________

Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away

So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?

'Cause here I go again
Talkin 'bout the rain
And mulling over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love Him
But here I go again, here I go again

Lord, You love him so, You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe; he will never die
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love him
This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love him
You love him, You love him

What Am I so afraid
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know
What he has never heard

Sunday, May 06, 2007 Seems like God's message to me the past 3 weeks has been about love.
But what about it...I'm still asking.

Thursday, May 03, 2007 1 Goal 2 Saves. Hooray for Liverpool! Hooray for Aggar! Hooray for Reina! All the way Liverpool! To the Finals they march. Victory in their hands. we are the champions my friend.

Alright enough of them for now. I have other things to worry about. Things like...

basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe basketball canoe?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

God show me.
fickle fickle fickle fickle Sam. =((
MVP. i wish.
__________________________________________________________________

On a side note, Desmond is finally cutting his hair! For canoe right? haha. More like for $$$.
B-A-N-A-N-A!
___________________________________________________________________

My head is fuzzy. As you can see im jumping from here to there.

I like the phrase 1 goal 2 saves. not only because of Liverpool but it got me thinking on the way to school. 1 goal- to reach out and evangelise. 2 saves-2 salvations is our goal each time. And tht will be my aim. Starting from class.

1 GOAL 2 SAVES for JESUS!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007 Botanical Gardens yesterday! Though it was only Gracia and I but we still had a good time walking, snapping, snacking. I wanted to go to the symphony stage but apparently we were at the other end of the gardens so off we went, walking in slippers, getting my feet muddy and so on.


Some picnic that had a theme of HATS. Yes. Well that was what i guessed since a number of them were wearing really interesting hats.
Heres an example...
Walking to the Symphony Stage.
Yikes, i stepped in mud! roar.
Our humble and cozy picnic. XD
Cam whoring session begins

A tribute to the XD man. Gervais Lee Yan Sheng.

Our own party of Hats

Spastic as usual. Gracia that is. haha

Ermm rightt gracia, something there. Im very amused. haha.

One for the album.

My family in the future. Plus 2 more kids. Lets make it 3 more.

and the cam whoring session ends with her face AGAIN.

Cabbed to her house then lunched at J8. We hogged the KFC seats for an hour or so until other customers came and stood in front of our table.

Great day indeed with that girl. Now all I want is one more outing or chill out with marcu, matt and aileen. Our much talked about stayovers arent becoming a reality yet. BooHoo.

Playing matchmaker is fun. Gets you thinking and evaluating. *grins*