It starts from my toes, and I wrinkle my nose

Monday, July 30, 2007 4 down 2 more to go. the heavy subjects. INT HT and Econs.
After BCS today i skipped the rest of my lessons. A tutorial and OB lecture. Si Kai kept touching my forehead to check if i had a fever cause he couldnt believe that i would skip tutorial and lecture. But i was too sleepy to last the rest of the day.

Cabbed to Gwen's house to get my Econs lecture notes and cabbed back home. Zonked out after lunch only to be disturbed in the middle of my beauty sleep by my sister's banging on the drums. Started screaming at her that it was noisy so she shut it up via earphones. Pretty cool i must say.

Afternoon naps have been sorely missed by me. Oh ho ho how i wished that I had more time for it.

I'm starting to feel all funny over again. Maybe its cause i watch too much drama serials. Too much for my own good. But dont worry. I'm ok. I'm just wondering about life. As Gracia and I sometimes wish that we were married now. *laughs* Oh Lord keep me from straying.

Breanna made a covenant yesterday and i thought that that was wise yet a challenge. Really only with the Lord's help will she be able to make it through the next 4 years till she hits 21. I'm rooting for her. All the way dear!

3 more days. Not that it matters anyway. shrugs.

Sunday, July 29, 2007 and today we've finally seen the first review of i! concert. First run thru got me all heated up but the second run thru was fine. Only that band 2 needs to work a little bit harder.

only a week left to complete my projects. and it seems like my thursday would be filled up with econs presentation, training and worship practice uptill 10pm. What a day. A normal day.

im tired. Dreamweaver presentation tmr. Waking up at 6 30. oh joy.




and i think they all forgot.but its not their fault. they're busy.

Friday, July 27, 2007 my mom and dad bought me an acoustic guitar. =) thank you daddy for paying, and mummy for choosing. ok...well she didnt exactly choose. she asked the guy to give her a good one under her budget. ahaha. so when i came home she gave it to me. grins.

and my sister got an electronic drum set. lol.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007 i learnt a lot today. A lot about my classmates. A lot about their past and their background. And that some of them can act for money and not nuts.

FINALLY. A project that is completed. Completed= Report + Presentation DONE. Thank the Lord.

And i can FINALLY go for training. Strange but I MISS training. I miss it bad. hmmm. Samee is getting funnier by the day.

After numerous capsizes, thousands of bruises and millions of algae stuck on my ass, i've got the hang of balancing on K boat. K1 for tht matter. Skulling like C-R-A-Z-Y and trying to be relax kept me on the boat. If I start to tense up my boat goes right left right left and i go ahhhh *splash*.

Last Saturday was spent throwing large heavy rocks away from the shallow water into deeper water so that it wont hit the rudder. free labour. Shakes head. I left early and boy am i glad tht i did. Apparently coach asked to check each canoeist log book. Those that didnt bring had to eat 15 of the oh-so-gross biscuits that Peng Ghee bought. FIFTEEN. and they had to do it in 10 mins. and no one could help them eat. hahahaha. So 3 of them had to eat 15 each. What other funny ideas does coach have? scary. Birthday presents are usually a pontoon fight. uh oh. *laughs*

much preperation has been put into the SF event of the year. yes yes. i! concert. Since the beginning of the year in feb up till now. And we're still at it. I'm proud of you all. but even moreproud of our Almighty God who has been helping us through and giving us the energy to stay alive during band practices. I can play the bass for piggyback! But not as fast as its suppose to be. haha. Dont blame me. Im a guitarist. Not a bassist. I'll leave that job to Matt.

My my. Times really flying by. Tomorrow's thursday ALREADY. Friday, Sat, Sun would be full days for me. Fri with projects and back to PL for thankgiving service, Sat and Sun with i! rehearsals, dentist appointment and training.

I'm determine to find a way to go a watch the fireworks on National Day. I dont know how but SOMEHOW. if you have any ideas just tell me yea? grins*

I found Terence at my house when I came back from school today at 9 30. After listening to what my mom was telling him, i figured out on my own. yea. It was so true that straying away from God's protection would leave us helpless and feeling the pits. Like how I was at the beginning of the month. It sucked i tell you. I was using up all of my own strength and not relying on God. But after I surrended everything to Him and acknowledged His power, Boy was it much easier. Though i've been coming home late everyday, completing projects and all, yet the panicky and shit feeling wasnt there at all. I did everything calmly. yes I was tired. But i wasnt worried. All thanks to our cool Father up there. =D.

Alright. enough of random updating.its random dont you think? ANYWAYS i've gotta search for news that is worth analysing using econs topics. so buhbye! *waves*



its been a long time.talking to you made my day =)

Wednesday, July 25, 2007 Fell fast asleep yesterday night even though i intended to do my OB presentation in prep for today. Alas! my mom woke me up cause i was sleeping on their bed and i could only drag myself so far to the toilet to wash up before i retired to my abode again, not forgetting to set my alarm for 615am so that i could really prep my part of the presentation.

No, it hasnt been sleepless nights for me. I've had my fair share of sleep. But yet, even without training, my brain feels so tired that it shuts down and i have to fuel it via chocolates which is definitely not a good source of energy. I can feel it down here. *rubs stomach* the flabs are coming. ARGHHhhh.

Much to say about training, but duty calls. I have to shower before I hit the road again for the whole of today. 7 31am now and I'll be back home tonight at 10pm again. Doing this for a whole week gets me really weird at times. I start doing funny things in the computer lab. Thank God for equally insane friends. They're worse. They prance around like fools. haha.


ooooooh wells, I guess all i can do right now is to stop turning my head. Which is a tad difficult most of the time. distraction distraction. *shakes head*

Monday, July 23, 2007 Time check-8:35pm. and im still in school. In fact half the class is here but only 5 of us are focusing on our project. oh wow. thank God thats my group. Now only to wait for Si Kai to complete the powerpoint presentation.

I have enough energy to last tonight. Milo and MnMs. Sugar rushhh. mmmmm. =)

and they're laughing at how ong lai entertains himself. hahaha.

Sunday, July 22, 2007 i so do not have a life right now.



Someone save me from this oh so horrifying week ahead.



im gonna reach home at 10 every night. whoohoo. 9-9 school days. i like.

This is the perfect picture XD.

Monday, July 16, 2007 im ok now. thanks, you all for the smses and msns. i think i have enough encouragement to fill a bottle =). plus God's mercy and strength. Crying it all out was therapy. Especially when i have my friend on the other side of the phone and my bloster to hug to sleep. Crying to God was equally comforting, knowing that at least theres someone with me even when my whole family's asleep.

i woke up with poofy eyes and people noticed it. oops. thought i would be able to hide it but nope. shakes head. Des thought something happened to my eyes and my classmates commented that 'your eyes are so smallll today'. I just smiled. 'Cept for Gwen. She and I survived today with each other. Thank God for her.

ive been relying too much on my own strength so right now im handing it all to our good Lord. *lifts burdens and passes it to Jesus* yes Lord, carry my worries and headaches for me please? Thank You.

I want to be able to smile again and mean it.



Sunday, July 15, 2007 11.16pm: the floodgates broke. and i cant stop it.

Sunday, July 15, 2007 im having pre monday blues. everything seems so dull to me. no matter how exciting the day's events were, it all looks blur, gone. another weeks looming ahead and everythings stuck up to my throat.

i want to let it all out but i just cant. crying seems the best way to but i dont know why i cant. maybe ive lost all emotions.

i want to start on my projects but im at a lost. People expect to smile and laugh with them but it takes up my energy and i dont want to smile.

falling asleep during the practice made me feel real bad. Apparently i slept through BGR practice and BGR is rather loud and rocky with a speed of 170. i dont know whats happening to me.

this is not an emo post

goodbye weekends hello monday

Saturday, July 14, 2007 and i thought i could end my great saturday on a happy note but it was not. I think im too attached to my friends that when they tell me that they're moving i feel funny all over. and funny aint good.

Day started with me walking blurry eyed to church to open the storeroom door and AV room. I felt like the caretaker aunty. me in my oversized OBS shirt and fbts. Stayed till 12 and then after much deliberation i decided to go for training. The trip was sooooo long i bored me out of my wits. Nobody to amuse me or talk to. wasted no time in launching the boat, did marathon training. But after paddling 2 rounds i got sick and tired of fighting the wind and waves and not being able to talk to anyone i started singing while paddling. Got realy really bored but didnt want to risk another capsize. haha. After that i didnt stay for K1 practice. Climbed over the gates AGAIN, showered and then hurried down to the busstop. But the bus took forever and i got impatient so i cabbed to church. hehe.

anyhoos. candice is back! three cheers for ah soo member!
ok no time to type. I gotta get a move on my projects.

i wanna see fireworks. last year was fun. we watched fireworks and played with sparkles.
if only...

Friday, July 13, 2007 Whee i love my fridays. from next week onwards my fridays are school free!!! Yay. Today i woke up at 11, brunched at Sakae and then bus-ed down to TP for the last APEL(Applied Principles for Effective Living) class of the year. Whoohoo

After APEL today i went down to Maplewood park. Its been an uber long time since ive been there. Like super long. Anyhoos I gave Ester tuition. Ok you cant exactly say that Samee gave Estertan tuition cause i just made her do her work and then explained the wrong parts to her. Oh wells. haha. I did it out of kind heartedness.



I miss math. Its been 8 months since I'd attempted a math question.


Trying to teach this girl. She failed her mock prelim. hurrhurr. Thinking about her marks makes me wanna laugh.

Thats what she gets for being so blur. haha. Not. Im a nice teacher. I dont support capital punishment.

Zoey and I. I miss that girl. Jia you for Basketball! Team Temasek!

Bouncing the ball on the pillar.
Estertan.
What used to be part of saturdays.
Yes. I loved today.

Talking to Gracia really helps me see sense sometimes. its been ages since i talked to her properly and we did it today! i was about going crazy if i didnt talk to her. Sigh. Sometimes certain people just make you feel like saying: why oh why oh why?

yes. why oh why did it turn out like that? you dont know but i have loads of questions.

Thursday, July 12, 2007 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' and Samee ended up in the middle of bedok reserviour waters. Why? because she was:
1)stoning while paddling at the same time so
2)her paddle cut her boat and then
3)she tilted sideways for a few seconds
4)her brain told her to skull
5)but her hands went everywhere except skull.

hurrhurr. quite funny if you think about it. like some goondoo.

thank God for Crystal and Wei Jie who rescued me. MY LEFT THIGH CRAMPED UP AGAIN so i had to use my arm strength to empty the boat and get back in. Whats wrong with you lefty leg? tell me then i can do something to you.

paddled for 1 1/2 hours and then when we were turning back wen hao capped so now it was my turn to rescue.

Canoeing nationals were on the past 3 days so i squeezed in some time to watch at least one event. Met up with marcu, talked with him for awhile...i realised that we havent talked in the longest time. Marksmen have not been meeting up even though i still hang out with mark and matt but marcu seems like...he faded out of the picture. I miss him =(. Saw jelly again, she didnt cap her K1 boat! yay!!! next year jelly will do better. im sure of it! Then I caught a glimpse of what looked like Cheryl Gan so i ran towards her and was like ahhhh cheryl!!!! aha. she came down to support SA. SA did quite well this year i should think. Not sure of their position and everything. gotta ask JM.

finally friday is coming. i get to wake up at 12. heaven. Plus i only have APEL class and im meeting ZOEY CHEW SHUYI after school. Double yay.

i just dont want to think of next week.

shes 17 days to 17. and im plus 4. i miss bre and i miss the rest as well.
recalling the past makes me go SIGHHH.

P.S. i donated another hairband to the reserviour. seriously, he reserivou has lots of treasures. 2 of my hairbands, Damien's Specs, Zheng yu's cap. tsktsk. evvvilll reserviour.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007 School today from 10.30-5 15. straight. without break. we had to squeeze in 10 minutes for lunch or else our class would have died. seriously, wednesdays are horrible. RHT tutorial 12-2, INT HT lecture 2-4, OB tutorial 4-6. morning is spent conducting group project meetings.

By the end of today, i was about spent. All i could think of was sleep sleep sleep! so down to design canteen i went, met crystal and edmund who dinnered. I just laid down on the bench and talked. Walked to the pool, found a table and did what i had to do. SLEEP. my float made a really good pillow even though i slept upright against the wall. haha. 30mins of sleep was heaven.

Training started at 7 30 without coach around. Up and down, 1 lap 2 laps. After not swimming for 2 weeks i suddenly lost the ability to come up for a breath. Whenever i did water would enter my mouth. ugh. swim swam ermmm swum? and i found a hand right smack on my face. haha. Jin Min was swimming back and i was going forward when his hand collided with my face. Stunned and blurred for a while then i continued till i reach the end. haha. super funny. Steph got whacked in the face by Wei Jie. lol. accidents accidents.

While taking a break some of them suddenly decided to try to dive. Ok our lifeguard teammate could do it durh but our captain...sigh. he could only do cannon splash. HAHA.

swam somemore, sets of 2 laps and 4 laps. total of 26 laps. or was it 24. oh who cares. After that coach came to debrief us and that was when i could finally relax my legs after holding the float in between them for so long. My whole left leg cramped up through the debrief and i was desperately trying to uncramp it while keeping a straight face.

coach: for those who thinnk that they didnt swim properly, later go and conduct your own punishment
me*raises hand*: coach, *points to leg* cramp cramp. whole leg.
coach: ya, if you cramp you go to the side halfway during your swimming...
me: NO NO. not just now. NOW cramp. pain pain.
edmund helps to stretch my leg but lets go after a bit. the cramps come back
me: ARGHHH
coach: turn around
me*i was facing the wall so i turn with my back to the wall*
coach*grabs my underarms and lifts me out of the pool and onto the ground
me*ok i was stunned and amazed but was too crampy to go *whoaaa*

haha. so that was swimming today for me. swimming's fun. I like. I just dont like the cramps. =D

___________________________________________________________________

I was listening to my ipod while taking the nap at the pool when the song Give Us Clean Hands played.

We bow our hearts
We bend our knees
Oh Spirit come make us humble
We turn our eyes
From evil things
Oh Lord we cast down our idols

So give us clean hands
And give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another
Oh give us clean hands
And give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another
Oh God let this be
A generation that seeks
Who seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob
Oh God let us be
A generation that seeks
Who seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob

so you know, its like i'm still concious of what playing and i can hear the lyrics clearly though im napping. i saw myself suddenly in a hall, kneeling down with my hands and face on the carpeted floor whilst at the same time singing the song. I felt as if i was begging the Lord to "So give me clean hands, And give us pure hearts" I was crying out loud for God to give it to me, to us though i didnt know who the us was. Begging and begging then lifting my hands up in the air. all the while singing this song. Clean me Lord, wash me.

I dont know what the Lord was telling me during tht nap while i listened to my ipod. But the whole picture was so clear and i could even feel in my heart the passion and the want to be clean for Him. Amazing...Just so amazed at how He works at times.

Lord God Almighty I give you praise.

Monday, July 09, 2007 its official! samsam_sees@yahoo.com.sg is mine! hahaha. a pity that sasa_see wasnt usable, that would have been great but i'll settle for samsam_sees i guess. =D Some peope really have nothing better to do than create cool e mails. haha. A big thank you to sasa_kwan for creating it!*laughs* though i wonder if i'll ever use it. haha.

monday blues are coming to an end! but its just the beginning of facing another week of 3 consecutive days of training after school. paddeling tmr @ 6, swimming on wed @ 7, water training again at the reserviour on thursday at 5. after that friday will be my blessed day which i wake up late and go to school for an hour. Oh happy friday. Seriously TGIF. Plus after this week's frday i dont have school for the rest of the term on friday. whee. why so? well cause the morning's lecture hs never been understandable and the 1 hour class is no longer running. I've promised myself to go down to sentosa on a friday and soak up the sun. wait a little while after the projects are completed Sam. Self-control.

Hmmm sometimes i really wonder, why in the world are we studying so hard? Why does my friend have to lose his smile because of all the stress and why does she have the face the pressure of her classmates? Friends, i know you're finding it tough in JC. I know some of you are struggling and others cant seem to find themselves anymore. But really in the midst of all the sian-ness and being sick of school and mugging i want to let you know that im here for you all and that our Awesome God is ALWAYS here for you to lean your weary head on. i'll be keeping you all in prayer =) trust me. I know that feeling. its the pits.

as for myself, im ok. I like my school, im fine with my class and i THINK im coping OK with my projects. nothing else matters right now i suppose...or so i think. Sometimesthe human mind just tends to wonder just a wee little too far for me to pull it back. oh wells.

signing off as:
sasa_see

Sunday, July 08, 2007 i love SFers. they make me happy. and they dont make fun of my hair. =D except for MATTHIAS FOO. haha. nevermind. I still love him as well. Good brother.

2/3 more weeks of projects and im free! go go go sam!

Friday, July 06, 2007 i don't know what overcame me today. Met up with Gracia at Bishan Coffee Bean. Flipping thru' Seventeen magazine we came across a page that gave advice on what kind of hairstyle various face shapes should cut. So we had the sudden urge to go cut our hair, hence trapsising off looking for a salon. Jean Yip was too expensive as I had limited cash and then gracia didnt know what she wanted to do with her hair so it was just me. Off we went looking for a neighbourhood salon that looked decent and safe enough to get my hair chopped. ok not chopped. trimmed. $14, the lady quoted so i plonked myself into a chair, talked to the aunty that was serving me, didnt know what i wanted to do with my hair except that i wanted

-to be able to tie it
-trim/cut my fringe
-tidy up my wacky hair

so with that she told me she was gonna layer it, cut my fringe slanted(the way i always had...or so i thought) and let me tie my hair. I was rather satisfied with what she was doing. Then it came to my fringe...Closed my eyes and the next time i opened it i got the shock of my life. and still am recovering from it. Its SHORT. above my eyebrows. WAILS. I look like an AH LIAN. HELPPPPPPPP.

Gracia just stared, grinned, "ok what" then continue looking on. She said hat i was something different for a change but...its not me!

walked home, met terence and boy did he have a lot to say. So did my sis. she said i looked like a chinadoll. ZOMG. and my parents have yet to see it. boohoohoo.

hair hurry grow grow grow!fringe grow! =(
how am i gonna take a pretty picture tomorrow at the wedding!?

Wednesday, July 04, 2007 tired and in pain.i will not take panadol

Tuesday, July 03, 2007 I finally have time to sit back and type a wee little about whats been happening for the past few weeks instead of just typing a brief summary. Its my 4hour break time and i have 1/2 hour left to slack. The other 3 1/2 hours were spent lunching and projecting. =D time well spent.

So i! concert preparations are well under way as the day looms closer each passing week. Only a month before the actual concert! It's gonna be a blast. I just know it will. All the great people have been putting in so much time and effort into making this concert a soon to be success. The band members, singers, various i/cs of each committee, Nancy,Roger and Jacob for their advice and help and most of all the Lord whom we have committed everything too. But I have to confess that sometimes, I get too caught up in the activity itself that I forget entirely about the Lord and the whole purpose of the concert. Oops. Sorry Lord.

So we've been hard at work, getting each band's schedules out, making sure that the singers are available for the rehearsals yadayada. Sunday was rest day from practice.In place of it was CD review and photoshoot as i said in my previous post. The vocals were good, much better than expected i must say,after hearing the raw version. Its amazing how much God has blessed SF up till now, with all the talented people and the willingness to offer their services in one way or another. Simply Amazing.

As i type somebody just smsed to tell me that his/her friends would be coming for the concert as well as Col. Png's sermons. Praise the Lord! Friends coming for the concert! Yay! SFers! Its time to rally your friends, long lost or BFF's or what, just get them to come down to the concert on the 11th of August! our target is a 120 friends and we'll reach that by hook or by crook! That person who sms-ed me, sometimes i wonder whats running through his/her mind at times. I get so exasperated trying to get him/her to see sense or to forgive and let it go and stop accusing others, yet at other times he's/she's so keen for the Lord and wanting to reach out to friends. Help me Lord to love this person no matter how difficult that person may be.

Photoshoot was a blast seeing the singers make funny faces and being clueless as to how to give certain expressions. Like Zhi Yun hahaha. Group photo was messy though I suppose in the end it turned out alright. With all the instruments, guitar , keyboard, drums and posers...hahaha. Joseph came into the group 'family' photo! Nancy sitting on the piano chair with Jacob next to her and Joseph on her lap.haha.

Training later on at 6. Its been a while since i trained. From last thursday? Yea. Loong time. Its either im lazy or im feeling lethargic right now. All i wanna do is sleep. Sleep Sleep Sleep. Projects are due in 2 weeks time. Thats fast. I gotta get my suit and all soon. Shopping anyone? With a good reason to spend haha. Its not anyhow shopping, its true shopping! yay!!!

till another time my maties!

Monday, July 02, 2007 its 9 33am in the morning and i'm having a 3 hour class on websites. oh yay. save me.

The weekends have left me satisfied and able to face the weekahead! alright! after skipping canoe training on sat, mark,matt and i trudged under the sweltering heat to matt's house and boy was the pool ever so inviting. but we just settled for air con and watching the rented CSI at his home, covering our faces whenever the autopsy was shown and all the funny slimy things were taken out of the poor victims body. ewwww. so anyway yea just chilled and lazed about in the comfort of his home before taking the bus back with mark.

sunday was a full day at church from 845 to 6. service, bible study, getting people to write on the birthday cards i made for Mark and Deb, lunch meeting with some of them, CD critic review, playing with Joseph, photo taking. All till 6. fun fun fun. tiring yes but fun, trying different poses and what nots and having make up applied. haha, i couldnt tell which was which make up and got youying to apply it for me.

Matt made me keep the CSI vcd AGAIN and i have to return it as usual. Rah that boy haha. oh wells, youth day no holiday. Dinner-ing with the level i hope. Only that we're too lazy to plan. Till next time. Ciao.

how come theres a YOU in YOUth day and no ME?