I am so tired of listening to her explanations. So so tired of her justifying everything. And im finding it a tad too difficult to let go. You'll all know soon enough.
It seems like theres nothing much I can do about myself these days. It sucks to have your ear blocked and all you hear is yourself echoing inside. Mom says that its precisely because I hear too much of myself thats why it happens-if you get the drift. Having an injured arm doesnt help much either when your goal is to do well for the April competition cause you have been out of the past few comps. for various reasons. Not only does coach not allow me to train hard, but when I do my freaking arm screams stop but my teammates dont exactly understand and I cant show it to them while gymming or swimming. Its so frustrating when its something unseen and you look perfectly fine on the outside when inside its hurting bad and you cant do anything about it but wait and wait and wait.
Its as if prayers are like dead leaves right now just when I need it the most. I want to hear normally, I want to paddle hard, I want to be strong for myself and everyone around me but I cant and all I do is moan and groan and not even bothering to ask God for help. It sucks when you know that you're wrong but your whole mind is like DEAD and as if you know what youre suppose to do but dont do it. Quiet time has been stagnant and thats the worse.
